Never have I found myself in a season like this. I have never experienced a "season of temptation". Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I've never been tempted or have never sinned. I HAVE, but in other previous times of temptation I either easily pushed through it, or I knowingly went ahead and submitted to it out of rebellion. Now, if I were to share my testimony to man, it would seem I've not really done anything serious; however, defiance is defiance to God!
This season is different however...there is a struggle. Before it was either press in and easily move forward, or sin out of defiance and after a season find your way back with frankly little repercussion in the natural. Defiance this season, I fear, will have manifest consequences, and easily pushing through doesn't exist right now.
So what is done then...I struggle...I fight...and for now, I fail more often than not.
In James we are told that trials and temptation bring about endurance and patience but only in the proving of our faith; Hebrews tells us it is endurance and patience that we need to fully accomplish the will of God and receive what is promised. So I am in a season of temptation seeking to show my faith and prove it...not to God but to myself.
I am bombarded daily and fight. I wish I could say I am having days of complete victory, but I don't. Some days are 90% victory and 10% weakness; other days are 20% victory with 80% weakness. BUT I'm fighting this time. To man I am judged as dirty, unrepentant, and weak because of my struggle. No man has to speak this to me, I can feel it and see it...CONDEMNATION; however, man cannot know the intentions of another man's heart nor the depth of struggle within another man's being. Conclusion then...man is NOT my judge and if they choose to appoint themselves as such out of "love", then I am by no means obligated to place myself and my spirit under their verdicts...MY GOD IS JUDGE and it is HIS VERDICT that I reside under.
So for now I appear to be on the losing end of a struggle, but to God, I am on the verge of a victory because of a desire to struggle.
God strengthen my desire to struggle and fight against these temptations. Because of the condemnation of men, my desire to fight and struggle is weakening; so God help me. Help me to hear what you say over this. Don't let me use grace as a covering, but let not shame and condemnation led me into my sin...Lead me not into temptation, BUT deliver me from evil!
Amen
Thursday, December 18, 2008
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