I Am Abraham

"Thus Abraham believed in and adhered to and trusted in and relied on God, and it was reckoned and placed to his account and credited as righteousness (as conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action). Know and understand that it is [really] the people [who live] by faith who are [the true] sons of Abraham."--Gal 3:6-7


Before I begin writing on what God has shown me about this verse and my given circumstances, let me acknowledgement that ultimately this verse is reference to justification or right standing with God by faith (in Christ) alone and not by the work of our hands; in fact it doesn't directly relate to Abraham and the almost sacrifice of his son, but a previous chapter in Genesis, Genesis 15 to be more accurate, but all the same God used the above verse to remind me of Abraham and his son.


Oh the beauty of Abraham's sacrifice to God! In this sacrifice Abraham out of obedience takes his most prized possession, his son, lays it upon an altar to God to be consumed by God should the Lord so choose. In this act of FAITH, Abraham is walking in conformity to the will of God in purpose, thought, and action. Now I personally think that Abraham was a man who truly knew God's character. Abraham may have even deep down known his son wouldn't be taken from him, but all the more he had to lay it down. Abraham had to not only lay his son on the altar but by faith, had to go so far as to tie him down and raise the knife before the Lord intervened and revealed to Abraham a deeper level of the Love of God--for Abraham this was revelation of Christ! Abraham had to come to the point where should the Lord have called him to sacrifice this prized possession Abraham would do so knowing in his heart the Lord is worthy and still eternally good, even righteous in His asking of the giving up of his beloved.

For me, I am Abraham. The thing which has become to me a beloved is being laid upon an altar for God, to be consumed by God should He so choose. Though this be unspeakably hard and daily an offer unto Him, I will rest in that in my act of FAITH, I too am walking in conformity to the will of God in purpose, thought, and action, despite what it might appear like before men. I am and must come to the point of total loss of control, also known by many as the place of full obedience, by tying down this beloved and holding up the knife (metaphorically of course)...I hope and am beginning to think that just like Abraham God will see my heart of love and reveal to me a greater Love of God and in turn, return to me my beloved. But should He not, and I be called to eternally sacrifice this beloved, I know, like Abraham, that God is worthy, eternally good, and righteous in the asking of the giving of this beloved, for He does not ask of me what He Himself has not already walked out before me.


And may we never over look the beauty of the obedience of Abraham's son, the beloved one. So in love and trusting of his father, the beloved one willingly laid upon the altar. Not budging in fear or doubt of the plans of God to the point of allowing his father to tie him down and raise a knife to him. This one being sacrificed also walked in FAITH, in conformity to the will of God in purpose, thought, and action. He was willing to be sacrificed, to die, which in turn would separate him from the one he too loved with great passion, his father, Abraham. Realizing this and realizing the need for his father to sacrifice him so that he, Abraham, might be in obedience to God, the son allowed himself to be laid down---imagine that! Truly this beloved one fulfilled Philippians 2 and consider all men as greater than himself; undoubtedly this one shows us meekness, humility, and above all LOVE for another so great that he himself would willingly be separated from the one he loved in order that the one he loved my walk in right standing with God! I believe that it was not only the heart of Abraham, but the heart of his son also that moved God to intervention. All along the Father knew through this unthinkably hard act of obedience, both the Father, the one being asked to sacrifice something of value and love, and the son, the one being asked to desire the well being of another exceedingly above himself to the point of willing being the sacrifice to be given by the other, would both come to a greater and deeper revelation of the LOVE OF GOD----Christ Jesus!

So I thank you; thank you beloved one for so loving me and wanting obedience in my life so much as to allow me to lay you on the altar before God and quite possibly be separated from you. Thank you for your courage, trust, and reliance on the Lord. Thank you for your humility, meekness, patience, and heart. Thank you for loving me so much as to do such a thing. And I pray that in this act of FAITH from us both that God would see our hearts and bring us together.

Your Love Is Better Than Wine

Your Love is better than wine Jesus. Oh Savior, that which you have to give me through and by Your love is greater than any passion with in me, no matter how deep its root within me. The things Your love unfolds before and within me, and the deep eternal pleasure it provides, far exceeds the deep longing in my flesh right now that afflicts my soul. It is because of such love I am able to awaken in the morning and endure any pain that may come to or upon me as a result of searching for greater depths of this love. It is Your love which is eternal and shall be lasting within my life when all else has found its way back to dust. No sign, wonder, miracle, healing, ministry, dream, or desire, whether Godly or ungodly, can surpass the Love a maker has for His creation or the Bridegroom for His Bride. Should I be a dead-raising, fiery preacher stomping on the devil in Africa, or a poor woman on a street corner living with nothing but the clothes on her back and the food left in dumpsters, I shall be forever undone, for Your love is greatest and superior. It is more supreme even than the desires I have for this life which You Yourself have instilled in me. When temptation encamps me and desire for immediate pleasures overwhelm me and seek to devour me, it is the remembering of Your love that quickens me to cry out for help and deliverance; it is that love that has touched an unreachable, locked away part of my being that screams louder than the desires of my flesh and saves me from the serpent of sin. May that love deepen and never be forgotten as temptation shall surely increase in time and desires rise to destroy me. For there is no Greater love than this, that a Bridegroom should lay down His life for His Bride.

Lovesick

Over the past month I have felt continuously sick to my stomach, like this weird pit in me is aching but kind of makes me anxious, nervous, and even fearful at times. Some days the ache is so intense I can barely eat; other days it seems all I do is eat to try and make the aching subside. Some days I try to sleep it off, or ignore it. Each effort to rid myself of this ache brings no succes and no respite...the ache continues.

Today I realized what this aching is...I am lovesick...in the beginning stages but lovesick all the same.

Over the past month I have been crying to the Lord in confession of how I don't love Him; of how I have no idea of His beauty, love, or sacrifice for me; of how I don't even really want Him to return because of my selfishness, fear, and lack of love; and of how I don't even know anything about Him--his looks, his character, his love, his personality, etc.

In the midst of my confessions to Him, it appears love has taken root. This shift seems odd and uncomprehensable that in the midst of one confessing her lack of love for another, she ends up becoming lovesick...or rather maybe it is perfectly sensable. Afterall, in the midst of such confessions and in my weeping, I find myself longing so desparately to love Him, to know Him, to serve Him, to desire His return etc., and I become overwhelmed with pain in how I don't. This pain, I believe, is one form of lovesickness...not only is lovesick being away from your lover and longing for Him, but it is also the pain in not being able to accurately express, show, and live out the love to which your lover is deserving to receive...This has become me!

In the midst of this troubing season and in the midst of temptation, Christ is coming to me and I am coming to Him...a joint effort is being made...a marriage coming together...lovesickness reaching such a height that it will either cause me to run without regard to the world towards my lover or should I choose the world, it will take unending pain and suffering to even remotely press down such feelings...I hope for the first rather than the latter...

God Help...it is running season...help me to run towards you!

Amen

The Battle I Choose To Fight

Never have I found myself in a season like this. I have never experienced a "season of temptation". Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I've never been tempted or have never sinned. I HAVE, but in other previous times of temptation I either easily pushed through it, or I knowingly went ahead and submitted to it out of rebellion. Now, if I were to share my testimony to man, it would seem I've not really done anything serious; however, defiance is defiance to God!

This season is different however...there is a struggle. Before it was either press in and easily move forward, or sin out of defiance and after a season find your way back with frankly little repercussion in the natural. Defiance this season, I fear, will have manifest consequences, and easily pushing through doesn't exist right now.

So what is done then...I struggle...I fight...and for now, I fail more often than not.

In James we are told that trials and temptation bring about endurance and patience but only in the proving of our faith; Hebrews tells us it is endurance and patience that we need to fully accomplish the will of God and receive what is promised. So I am in a season of temptation seeking to show my faith and prove it...not to God but to myself.

I am bombarded daily and fight. I wish I could say I am having days of complete victory, but I don't. Some days are 90% victory and 10% weakness; other days are 20% victory with 80% weakness. BUT I'm fighting this time. To man I am judged as dirty, unrepentant, and weak because of my struggle. No man has to speak this to me, I can feel it and see it...CONDEMNATION; however, man cannot know the intentions of another man's heart nor the depth of struggle within another man's being. Conclusion then...man is NOT my judge and if they choose to appoint themselves as such out of "love", then I am by no means obligated to place myself and my spirit under their verdicts...MY GOD IS JUDGE and it is HIS VERDICT that I reside under.

So for now I appear to be on the losing end of a struggle, but to God, I am on the verge of a victory because of a desire to struggle.


God strengthen my desire to struggle and fight against these temptations. Because of the condemnation of men, my desire to fight and struggle is weakening; so God help me. Help me to hear what you say over this. Don't let me use grace as a covering, but let not shame and condemnation led me into my sin...Lead me not into temptation, BUT deliver me from evil!

Amen

A Thought

We are no better than the ones we judge, and most of us spend our lives living out of the hurt we've encountered and feel; then we are told of a man who can bind up the broken-hearted and set free the captives, and the idea of such a man, whether real or fantasy, gives us enough hope to make it one more day, and the more we see this man does exist, the more we begin to think that just maybe we will be able to make it through this thing called life.

Help me to keep moving

Just keep moving; Just don't stop.
If you'll just keep going, maybe then you won't die.

Don't stop looking, and don't stop moving.
One step at a time and you won't loose your grip.

So go now, just put one foot in front of the other.
Yes I know, the path is blurred and fogged,
But just line the heel of one foot with the toes of the other,
And keep going; just place them one in front of the other.

My voice is quieter, or have you decided not to listen?
Wrestle with me about this; it isn't a sin to do so.
I'd rather we wrestle this out then for you to ignore me.

I know your fears about hearing me and about what's coming,
But I also know the path of least pain for you.

But God, I can't talk this one out;
I'm not sure how or even what to say.

Just don't let me fall; oh God please help,
Is that enough for now Daddy?
Because its all I can say for now...help
Just help and don't let go of me!

The Fear of The Lord

The Fear of the Lord is the place of full obedience. It is the goal of which we hope to obtain in this race we run. The full manifestation of the Fear of the Lord is the mature Bride--it is our glorification. It comes from a place of revelation of Christ's sacrifice, of the greatness of the Trinity's love for us, of our inheritance to Christ and from Christ, of our adoption, of our identity, of the hope for which we long, of the kingdom to come, and of the eternal glory with the Fullness of God that awaits us.

The fear of the Lord is walked out in the obeying of the perfect narrow pathed will of the Father...a path that in no way can be found apart from grace and revelation; no man can find such a path by striving or by works...surely they shall miss or turn from it as bitterness, anger, offense, and rebellion arise because of a lack of revelation of love and of God.

The Fear of the Lord literally requires Wisdom; it literally requires the man Christ (Christ is the Wisdom of God--1Cor 1:24). In this man my life, the very substance of my existence, is hidden. As I seek Wisdom or rather Christ, I find my life, my actual existence; the finding of such causes me to desire to walk in obedience; I fear being even one millimeter outside His perfect will for me because I know that in that place my life does not exist, and though in the natural I am alive, I am actually walking back into death, walking out of the life of mine in Christ, a walking back into slavery. Thus, Christ telling me to stay firm in my freedom is Him, in fact, telling me to stay in the life which is hidden in Christ because in that place there are no chains or bondages to the world, no reliance on the world for anything...not even for it to tell me I exist.

The Fear of the Lord comes forth in manifestation from a Bride who truly lives seated from above... in the place where that life hidden in Christ is actually found.